On Febuary 9, OKO DJ presents Pu$$y Nightmare at La Station - Gare des Mines. A moment suspended in time, featuring a line-up that swirls between live soft metal, spoken word, experimental electronica and club music. It's an evening for the curious in search of a moment to themselves, a party lived differently. Before each of her evenings, OKO DJ organizes a sacred circle to offer a space of conscious celebration for women, queers and gender minorities.
We chatted with her about the importance of these circles, the magic present at her parties, and the initiative behind these events.
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mana: First of all, I'd like to discuss your choice of name for your "Pu$$y Nightmare" parties. Is there any particular reference you'd like to highlight?
Oko DJ: It's funny you asked, because I've been thinking recently about changing the name. But I guess I'm not ready yet. I've always been very interested in dreams, ever since I was a child. It's something I continue to research and provoke.
I love the imaginary world of dreams. I was thinking that some people's dreams are others' nightmares. Also, there's something very scary about the female sex throughout the story. It was these two elements that I tried to bring together. It happened naturally, without too much thought, a bit like a collage.
It seems to me that you play on the power of the female voice: when women speak out, they are challenged in history. Do you have any examples of women who have marked you and given you the strength to go against all that?
Yes, of course, I have so many examples, it's impossible to mention them all. But if I had to name just one, it would be my mother, my first feminist inspiration.
In any case, the first time I was really shocked by the fact that women's speech, their very essence, was being restricted, was at school. I had to write an essay, and a friend and I decided to do it on female circumcision. It's a pretty intense subject for young women, but it was the first time I'd really realized just how much violence is inflicted on women, sometimes from childhood. It was like a revelation for me to perceive the continuum of violence in my environment, at school and in society in general.
And that inspired me to try to understand. Why is female sexuality so frightening? Why is the wild side of women and even, I'd say, of human beings in general, so frightening? The female sex embodies the imaginary, it seems to me, the untamable, that which cannot be controlled... I think that's where my awareness of the difference in treatment between women and men came from. After that, each of us goes our own way with feminism.
That feminist streak that comes through in your events, perhaps its a particular attachment to eco-feminism?
I think the way I see myself and my events today is necessarily a little political, because I'm taking a stand. But in the end, I don't see it as so much political, because I want to create a moment of celebration.
This celebration puts the accent on beauty, on what we love, on what we want to celebrate, and that's why it has to be apolitical, because otherwise you're reacting to something that already exists.
I'm trying to offer something that's a little different, but of course, if you were to compare where I stand in feminism today, there's an element of eco-feminism.
It's something that speaks to me enormously. Yes, we have to protect, we have to love, we have to try to be in harmony with what surrounds us and the world in general. So it goes without saying that nature is linked to the violence and oppression that has been inflicted on women and many other population groups.
It's important to try to take care of it. I'm very interested in women, natural medicine, nature, plants and the forest. These elements play a very important role in my life and bring me a lot of comfort, a lot of answers and a lot of serenity.
I try to infuse my evenings with this sense of well-being, although obviously it's not that easy because we're in a club. It's a space quite detached from natural environments, but still, with the power of intention and a ritualized practice, you can still create something interesting.
What's the role of the ritual before your parties?
I've been organizing women's circles for four years now, both at home and online.
This time, I did one for the first full moon of the year. It's a tradition that goes back to ancient times. You could compare it to the "red tents", where women used to gather during the menstruation days of the month. As it has sometimes been thought or said, they were not forced to exclude themselves from society because they were considered impure, but used this special time of the month to connect with the divine.
In the end, circles are privileged moments when people come together to share things. Each circle reflects its guardian. There aren't too many men's circles today, but there should be circles for all types of people, because that's the magic of the circle: it brings people together.
It's something I like to do, and I can see that it has an impact and a usefulness for the small number of people who have been able to attend these events. So I thought there was a need for this kind of initiative in a medium like music, which is very cool, but sometimes lacks a bit of depth or connection. It's very paradoxical, because it's an environment where you want to party, vibrate together, share love, laugh, with or without drugs. That's what I find so enchanting: listening to music with exaltation. Sometimes we forget to do it consciously.
Setting up a ritual beforehand really helps ensure that everything happens consciously. What's your intention for the party afterwards? It might be: tonight, I've decided to take care of myself, or I'm going to stay sober, or I'm going to embody strength, or gentleness, or when I talk to someone, I'm going to make myself really available, I'm going to dance more than usual... All kinds of intentions are possible. But the most interesting thing is to be aware of it, and not just to go through the evening like a rag doll being pulled in all directions by the party and its energy.
Could you explain what we might expect from a pre-Pu$$y Nightmare ritual?
It's open to all fxmmes, queer and non-binary people. It's a chosen mix, because it's a space-time in which we work on the mind-body-soul link and evoke things that connect us.
It's a sacred moment that exists outside everyday life, where we invite people bigger than ourselves to join us in the circle.
Here, it's important to distinguish between sacred and religious. The sacred is very personal to each person. For me, it's the subtle intelligence of nature, the guidance of animals, the omnipotence of love, the strength it gives us when we're completely ourselves, the beauty in everything. For another person, it could be Jesus Christ.
The circles are a break in the day, and everyone gets their turn to speak.
There are no discussions, no answers, but there is listening. Either I ask a question, or we simply introduce ourselves. We talk about how we feel. If we don't want to share anything, which is perfectly okay too, we take a few seconds to understand how we feel, and we breathe into that feeling, very simply.
Then there's a talking stick, which goes from person to person. When you hold it, you speak and the others listen. When you've finished speaking, you pass the stick. I find this practice very interesting, and I recommend it for all areas of life: for conflict management, for important discussions with people you love. It's so great to arrive in a space where you know you'll be listened to and not interfered with.
I don't want to start discussions, but rather offer a moment where anyone can be themselves fully and share their truth. It's not something that happens very often, so it's incredible to be able to experience it together.
So it's often minorities I invite to join this circle. They're the people who usually don't get a chance to speak up, or who find it hard to make themselves heard. It's great to see everyone so attentive. Then, I always incorporate a meditation practice. Sometimes there's free dance. I also incorporate a creative practice, which is often written.
As I said before, the main idea of this circle is to celebrate. Today, there are all kinds of spaces and moments for struggle, which is necessary of course, but there's a serious lack of spaces for celebration. Otherwise, life is too unbalanced. We need to take the time to celebrate our differences, to celebrate ourselves. That's why I said it's apolitical for me, because you let go of everything that's attached to the mind, to the struggle.
And how does the magic appear in your evenings?
The moment when I most invite magic is in the circle. That's where the magic of each person is revealed. When we agree to open up to things, when we agree to emphasize the beautiful, and when we do so in a ritualized setting.
There's also the magic of words, through our letters. Words hold such power: they act like spells. That's why it's so important. In this moment, I invite everyone to choose the right word, to take the time to find it so that it really embodies what we want to say.
When you say something, it's already the beginning of something, of an investigation into yourself. What you say to yourself becomes part of you, including the way you phrase things. Do you use kind words towards yourself, or not at all? It completely transforms your reality and your relationship with yourself. So the magic of words has its place in these circles.
Then there's the power of intention, which is followed by a certain number of actions that you put in place to obtain this result. This is what witches did when they prepared a potion. When you use plants to heal someone, that's also magic. Here, it works differently.
Then there's always an altar, in the center, as the shape of the circle is very important. We sit in a circle, facing the sacred center. I always do it myself with representations of the four elements: a plant, the earth, a feather, water, and the fire of a candle. I also always carry a little pouch with me, which I fill with little things I find in the woods, which I also incorporate into this altar. There's also fire every time: we start the ritual by burning a candle, symbolizing the flame of life. Then there's water, which we drink at the end of the ritual to absorb the vibratory frequencies of the circle.
I often invite participants to put something on the altar if they wish. People bring different things each time. It's an opportunity for me to bounce back to the beginning, asking what the significance of a particular object is. It's very nice to enter the intimacy of people like that, without you ever having met them. It's very touching, almost like a secret.
Then there's our magic that spreads throughout the evening. Twenty or so of us have gone through this experience together, and it's felt throughout the evening. Everyone is like a guardian of this energy, infusing the party space in their own way.
Can you tell us more about this line-up?
I'm always trying to find ways to have worlds that stand out, to arouse curiosity, sometimes to force it. To have a clash.
Early in the evening, Js Donny performs a live soft metal set with sila xd on drums for a Paris premiere. Zoé Couppé will be doing a storytelling performance, accompanied by actress Gaïa Warnant, in which she evokes beautiful things about her grandmother, and semi-fictional characters on the verge of dreaming. It's a very different proposition from what we usually see in the evening. There will also be DJ sets by mad miran, and ojoo - with whom I'm very much looking forward to playing a b2b -, who are two of the best djs for me on the current scene.
There will also be a set designed by Amalia Jaulin. How will her work unfold?
I don't give instructions to the people I invite to perform, and I also like the set designer to have this freedom. She often briefs me on her artistic direction, but she understands me very well, so I trust her. We've worked together before. It's a really hot-cold universe, quite dark, but also really luminous, fluid and magical, with nods to the natural elements. Rock and water are key elements. Water is quite central to his work. Thanks to this, the whole is quite ambient, but the textures also contrast with this: there's something aggressive that clashes with the tranquility of the dream. It's difficult to represent visually, but she does it very well, and it ties in with the idea of curiosity that I want to propagate in Pu$$y Nightmare. It's also an opportunity for Amalia to experiment with new things in this evening space, and that's what I want to offer all the artists who pass through PU$$Y NIGHTMARE, a free space where you can try out new things.
Is the organization of these evenings like a gift that you give yourself, because I imagine that you go through several stages to put the evenings together?
The circle is clearly a gift. Frankly, it's my favorite part. The one that, in my eyes, legitimizes the whole evening. I've had enough parties in my life. I'm really happy with them, but I don't necessarily need more. I thrive on walking, nature and animals. And that's why I want to organize my evening in this order, to create another space for celebration. It's a gift that I give myself, and that I also give others to experience. If someone comes, they receive this gift of a moment in time, but they also give it to themselves because it was this person who made the decision to come, to follow the curiosity that led them to come and sit in the circle.
After that, I organize the evening all by myself, which is a lot for just one person. That's why I try to do it with artists I know, to invite people with whom I know we'll have a good time, that goes beyond the evening. I invite the artists to take part in the circle too. I don't force them, but I explain to them that the circle is the cornerstone of the evening, so that we're all on the same wavelength.
The more circles I guide, the more I realize how much we all really need this kind of moment. Maybe it inspires people to seek out these beautiful energies on their own afterwards, to join other circles, to do a spiritual or bodily practice that connects them to their best version of themselves.
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